“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
― Socrates
Being Kind Can Be Tough
It’s so easy to be rude.
It doesn’t take any effort. Especially when you feel like someone has wronged you.
But these are just your emotions taking control. When someone is being short or nasty with you, the easiest thing in the world is to send it right back at them. Anyone can do that.
What’s difficult is keeping your composure. Sticking to your standards and not letting their negativity bring you down. Because it’s tough to resist stooping to their level. That’s difficult, and not everybody can do it. It takes practice and patience. And that’s impressive.
Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
―Aristotle
Self-Control
You don’t want to be the person that’s always looking to fight. Being so consumed by rage that you lose control is nothing to be proud of. It’s a weakness that can be used against you. What’s far more impressive is having a level of emotional control that allows you to stay cool, calm, and collected; especially when everyone else is losing their minds. That’s a sign of true strength.
Falling victim to your anger is easy. Practicing compassion and forgiveness is difficult. It requires you to be the bigger person.
When you have the perfect excuse to retaliate but you choose not to. That’s control.
The excuse is a temptation. Use it as a test.
Re-frame the Situation
One way I’ve found that has helped me deal with tough situations is to re-frame them as tests. Struggles and hardships are simply a part of life. Joy couldn’t exist if it wasn’t for pain. But when we re-frame our pain into opportunities to learn and to grow, it gives meaning to that which can otherwise feel meaningless.
Another trick that I use is called Hanlon’s Razor. It’s a philosophical razor that says do not assume malice when it can just as easily be stupidity. When you interpret something as malicious, it’s only natural to become angry. If you tell yourself that it was an accident, suddenly it’s much easier to deal with. Try it! You won’t be as emotional and can handle it better.
Sometimes I pass these tests and sometimes I fail. But this trick has made a world of difference when it comes to dealing with adversity and difficult situations.
Accountability
There is a book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s one of my favorite books and I would highly recommend it. One of the four agreements is to be impeccable with your word. This book helped me to realize how much power my words can have. He likens negative words to a poison that can infect your target and have second-order effects. Reading that book changed my entire perspective.
Because when I was younger, I didn’t care about what I said. I just didn’t realize the power that my words could have. Online gaming was the perfect example; if someone wanted to trash talk me, I’d be right there with them – ready and willing.
In my defense, this was 10 or 15 years ago when trash-talking was even more rampant in gaming culture than it is today. Ingrained in such a way that it was impossible to stay away from at a certain point. It can still be bad these days, but back then it was like the wild west of trash talk. There were no rules.
I still like to play some video games and I still run into people like this a decent amount. These days I don’t worry myself with defending myself or even responding most of the time. There will always be trolls, the test is how you choose to deal with them. I choose not to care. I talk and communicate with most of my teammates but when I run into a troll, I can quite easily ignore them.
I mute them and move on. Life’s too short to spend arguing with people with bad intentions. I take pride in being able to refrain from responding and I take solace in knowing that I’m not adding to the problem.
Just be Kind
I know that it can be hard sometimes. I know that not everybody is deserving of kindness. And I know that the world is a complicated place and that every situation is uniquely messy. Being kind isn’t always easy and it won’t always happen. Accept that for what it is and do your best.
Everybody makes mistakes. But not everybody acknowledges their mistakes and tries to learn from them.
Acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them, and strive to be better.
Also, just be kind.
Treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are.”
― Roy T. Bennett
Mind Power Grow 
RISE to the occasion, but don’t LOWER yourself to someone else’s level.
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Well said!
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Thanks
We never know what is happening in someone mind
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Exactly. 🙂
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It is easy to take rudeness very personally. But try to remember another person’s behavior often has more to do with what’s going on inside of them, and very little to do with you. Great post-!
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I didn’t touch on that, but that’s a great point! Thank you for that, Joan! 🙂
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This is SO true! Also, you can’t control someone else’s thoughts or behavior but you can control the way you behave….and respond.
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You touched on some of the most necessary things for personal happiness and growth. Well done. I especially liked the idea of looking at difficulties as opportunities for growth, treating inevitable hardships as parts of a game. I think I’ll try it—thank you!
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Hey Ethan!
Thank you very much for the kind words and I’m glad that you found some value in my article! 🙂
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Don’t blame, reframe! ❤️🦋🌀😉
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Haha yes exactly Sheila! Thank you! 😀
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Some of the words I love the most from Brené Brown: “I know my life is better when I assume everyone is doing their best.”
The best for you is not the same as it is for me, and this may be different every day. But if we encourage rather than disparage we can only help to create a better world where we want to live and work together.
Peace, my friend. Thank you for these oh so important words, especially in our world right now.
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You’re very welcome, Hamish.
I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my work. It’s always refreshing to hear from someone who shares similar goals and is striving to help make the world a better place.
Thank you for that, the kind words, and the encouragement! 🙂
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”Acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them, and strive to be better.
Also, just be kind.”
Love this! Great blog post, Evan!
Thank you for sharing,
Meg
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Thank you Meg!
Sometimes the simple things can make all the difference! 😀
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Preach! I love this. Sometimes I think we’re writing the same blog…on different sites. Check out my post today and you’ll see what I mean.
Reframe the Situation = Change the Dance : )
https://littlegirlfound.com/2020/07/22/cover-the-moment-with-mercy/
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Thank you Lindsey!
I’ll be sure to check it out. 🙂
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Beautifully written ! Life’s too short to spend arguing with people 👌🏽
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Thanks Prashanthini! 😀
And I agree.
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Excellent post! You are so right about self-control. Controlling your emotions, especially anger is so important. It reminds me of a proverb that says, “The one slow to anger is better than a mighty man, And the one controlling his temper than one conquering a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)
Being kind may take a little extra effort but it’s worth it. Thanks for these reminders.
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You’re welcome, Heatherjo!
And thank you for the the kind words and for sharing! 🙂
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Evan, This post should be required reading. These times are so charged, locked and loaded that everyone is ready to unload on everyone else for looking crosseyed. Relax, the title says it all; that everyone is doing the best he can and is fighting some battle. Even those who may seem otherwise, likely have some underlying reason and who are we to know what it is?
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Thank you so much, Annie! I really appreciate that. 🙂
And I completely agree. We never know what’s going on behind the scenes. Funny thing too – the people who deserve it the least, need it the most!
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Evan thank you for this incredible piece
Stay wealthy healthy safe and happy
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You’re welcome, CoachKanika!
And all the same to you! 🙂
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🙏gratitude
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I totally agree! During my younger days, when someone was mad at me, i would get all defensive or let them have a taste of their own medicine. Now, I just watch them as if a movie is playing out in front of me. I know now someone mad at me doesn’t have to make me feel humiliated. They have no control over their emotions but i can control my own emotions and talk it out with them when they have calmed down.
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